Appearing less available conveys emotional maturity, strength and confidence in knowing what you want and your ability to express yourself. People flock to a hard to get person because they seem like someone who would be fun to date! But playing hard to get can be so much more than a technique to get other people to like you. While they might look the same on the outside, the person who is playing hard to get is using emotionally manipulative mind games to pretend to be something they are not.
They are pretending to be a confident person when inside they still feel just as lonely and desperate as they always have. They might be able to fool the other person, but they will still feel miserable about their dating life. As a result, they will likely sabotage any interactions they have with others anyway. Being hard to get, on the other hand, is about knowing your self-worth, knowing what you want and not settling for anything less.
Being this way will naturally make you less available to most people and make you more attractive as a result and more importantly, more attractive to the kind of people you actually want to date. What did I do wrong? Show you can have fun without them. Also, make sure you are seeking people out at events and activities you actually enjoy. Flirt with them…but only a little. I began to address this very topic in a previous article, where I reviewed research that showed playing hard to get does indeed work.
In general, being on the receiving end of someone else's aloof and uncertain signals does increase desire. But does that mean you should play hard to get? Recent research has brought a bit more clarity to the question, finding that sometimes playing hard to get is a good way to build desire. On other occasions, it may backfire… What We Know Researchers Dai, Dong, and Jia investigated the question, "When does playing hard to get increase romantic attraction?
Specifically, they suggested that playing hard to get might increase feelings of "wanting" in others a desire to pursue the aloof person but at the same time decrease "liking" positive feelings about the person. The team hypothesized that playing hard to get might only work under certain circumstances—specifically, that such a strategy would only work when partners were already committed and emotionally invested in the relationship. In other words, if the person was not already interested to some degree, playing hard to get would not motivate them to chase.
To test these hypotheses, Dai and associates performed two experiments: Male students from a Hong Kong University were asked to read a hypothetical date story, or meet a real woman in a speed date situation. Women they read about in the story, or met on the date, either behaved in a positive, interested manner "easy to get" , or were passive and aloof hard to get. I like the idea of playing hard to get, but when the time comes, I can't tell if you're just messing with me to get a free drink or if you're trying to let me know you're into me.
Girls, in general, are really hard to read! It's only a turn-off if it's at a bar. OK, at a bar, I like it, but outside of the bar, it's a dealbreaker for me. I feel like for guys, after that initial take-home, we want to the validation that you want to be with us too, not that you're just waiting for a better guy to come along to play games with you. It's a major insult. A woman who does that isn't the one I want.