Overall, men in either case report also having a difficult time finding what they label "attractive" women for longer-term relationships. Men often define these women along evolutionary psychology lines—women who are sexually-selective, faithful, physically attractive, and have a pleasant, respectful disposition for more on these qualities, see Buss, and my own articles here and here. Unfortunately, these qualities are again part of women's double bind, with social norms sometimes guiding them away from these biologically feminine characteristics.
So, until a new equilibrium is reached in these evolving social norms, men have difficult choices to make. Essentially, they seem to have to either appease social norms for relationships and acceptance or evolved standards of attractiveness and get sexual fulfillment. Furthermore, they do so in a situation where women's own social instruction may reduce the very characteristics that many of these men desire. Given that, many men sit on the couch, plug in a video game, and opt out—just as Behaviorism and Skinner might predict.
What Some Men Do About It Men have adapted and devised a number of strategies to make the best of these difficult options, including the following: These are the guys who are often labeled "players", "macks", and "pick-up artists". With this strategy, men are often able to fulfill their short-term sexual needs—especially within the modern, socially-sanctioned climate of "hook-ups" and causal encounters.
In fact, many of these men are former virgins and "nice guys" who previously could not get their physical needs addressed. Many of these tactics, however, primarily attract women who are focused on short-term flings with attractive men see here. Therefore, the relationship needs of the men using this strategy may be less fulfilled in the long run. These men often find relationships more easily. However, men who follow this strategy should pick their partner carefully.
Men successful with this strategy attempt to find an honest and faithful partner, who respects their needs, and is grateful for their contributions for more, see here , here , and here. Again though, men pursuing this strategy also report the need to stay vigilant for their partner's waning attraction, signs of cheating, and being taken for granted much as women in "traditional" relationships do.
With divorce a very real and punishing possibility, these men may also choose to think carefully before committing. They invest in their own attractiveness, value, and success. They also treat partners equitably according to their behavior, worth, and contributions to the relationship. These men further qualify and screen partners well, not selling themselves short for less than they deserve. This approach takes constant effort though—both in the man maintaining his own standards, and in his motivating and inspiring others to do so too.
It also requires patience in searching for someone who can live up to those desired standards. However, these efforts are often met with a partner who is attracted to them, respectful, and attractive for them too. For more on that approach see here , here , here , and here. Why is online dating so hard? With that in mind, I'll only go into the why's briefly, and try to spend more time on the how's what you can do to increase your responses. Things To Consider When Dating Online Few people realize that most dating sites keep all users listed indefinitely, and some refuse to purge their database of old members, even if said former members have found love and deactivated their account.
Next up, women get a lot of messages, depending on their age and demographic. When I sign up at a dating site to review it, I often get hundreds of messages in the first few days. I should note I'm a bit older than the average, highly-desirable range for ladies of , so younger women may get even more. My advice with this point? Avoid the newest signups because they're likely inundated with messages anyway, and if you can, see if anyone over 35 appeals to you in your searches - heterosexual women between get fewer messages than any other age range according to OkCupid.
When there's a lot of competition for a woman's attention, they have to filter whom they want to respond to right off the bat. What many women do including myself is look at a person's profile before they read the message. As an example, if I'm using OkCupid, I first look at the pictures do I find this person physically attractive at all?